It will be ten years in a week that my father died. Last night, I dreamed of him. It was another one of the vivid dreams that I've been having lately and I recalled almost all of it upon awakening.
I remember talking to him as he reassured me in that "everything's goin' to be fine," tone he was good at delivering. He was generally right, not always, but usually his optimism was on target. I've done my best to adapt that outlook.
In this dream he hugged me strongly, warmly and kissed me on my forehead. I always thought that Dad had the strongest arms and he was unashamed to kiss his sons. As he turned to leave, my brother arrived and noticed I was crying. I told him about seeing Dad.He turned to follow him and I warned him that "Jim, it's only a dream, but you better hurry if you want to see him." He thanked me and caught up with him for a bit before returning to tell me, "Yeah...only a dream. But, shit, it was good to see him."
Not much else remains of last night's dream, but I do realize it is the second time I've seen and talked to him in as many weeks. Life is a bit stressful right now, so it's no wonder I've turned to him for comfort.
Thanks, Pop. I think things will be okay...just need to get through this rough patch.
He wasn't a perfect man, but he was truly a man. And a truly good-hearted one. He loved life, the smell of lakes, fairness, ugly little dogs and the sound of old fashioned, twangy Rock-a-Billy. He hated Democrat senators, intolerance for the weak or down and out, strong wind and concrete that wouldn't set up.
He lived long enough to see me marry Susan, but didn't make it to my birthday. Mom sent me a birthday card after his death with his signature on it. He apparently had signed it before going into the hospital for the last time. As some of you know, it is one of my true treasures.
Not all that sure about heaven and such things, or that we'll see loved ones later on. But I do know that he's here (pointing to my chest) and will be until I discover if the rumors of an afterlife are true or not.
Miss you much, Dad. You'd like the new house and my bird feeders.
EDIT: After posting this picture, I am amazed how much my brother Jim, looks like him. I also have his mouth, but it's only evident when I shave my beard which I haven't done in years. I think I look a little more like my Mom's side of the family overall (especially my rascally Uncle Bob, Mom's baby brother) , which is not a bad thing at all, either! I had good lookin' parents.
8 comments:
Terry-
Just happened on your blog- wanted to say hello- seems so long ago since I took Lynne's class with you and Jill Jones at artfest 2003. I am still making art and teaching in the small art department in the university up here in northern Minnesota. Don't have your email anymore. Wow- what a dream you had there- wish I could remember mine- I think-
Best- Terry Garrett
Hey Terry! Hope you are well...good to hear from you!
Here's the email: terry.tyson@cox.net
Be sure to send yours to me as well.
Hi Terry, are you familiar with Pascal's wager?
Mike M.
Mike,
I am. And I am often a betting man but the argument is a good one on both sides of the aisle. A similar view is that one should live a life in which you use the time to make the world a better place for your being in it, by helping others, being charitable, responsible, etc whether or not there is a belief in heaven or even a Supreme Being.
If you live your life that way, and if there is no afterlife or Supreme Being, you have lost nothing and will be remembered well by those you left behind and the legacy (hopefully a lasting one) of the good work, mitzvahs and positive acts performed while living has had on the world and the people in it.
If there is a benevolent God, (and one unencumbered by the views, biases, doctrines and philosophies of him through the eyes or interpretations of humans) he will gauge your life of how it was lived and not just on whether or not you believed in him. I also know that such a tact is not in line with more than a few Christian beliefs in which absolution is possible merely via belief.
I'm not saying I ascribe to this tenant, but it is one of the counter views of the basic Pascal wager.
Thanks for the reply.
Eternity is a long time and the bible is clear.
Hope to see you sometime!
Mike M.
Same here, Mike. Good to hear from you.
I'm so glad you had such a good dad.
Thanks, A.
I am lucky, for sure.
My mom remarried her high school sweetheart a few years ago and they are very happy together. They are a cute couple and he is a good fella to her and us "kids".
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